Thursday, July 14, 2011

I fell like... a rocket man.

I have a job interview today. I won't make much but it's more hours and a higher salary than what I was making. If I get it... I will get it. Because I'm unstopable.

This is the happiest I've been in a while. Come to think of it, it's been almost three weeks since my last nervous breakdown. About a two months since my first panic attack. It could be worse and I'm so gracious it's not.

I managed to set up my dry erase board today. I have a column for all my goals and each individual goal has its own column. I also have a column for assignments and a diagram of Maslow's Hierarchy of needs. Hopefully, this will help keep me on the right track and over all, aide my sucess.

Yesterday was also another milestone. I wanted to read. Actually read a book. I havent felt the desire to pick up a book in years. I'd like to find something by Bukowski, however, I cant find anything. I'll visit the library soon... I also started writing a bit again, though, it's turned out more like mary-sue type work instead of something admirable. Then again, it doesn't really matter, does it? As long as I'm happy with what I have accomplished then anyone else can go fuck themselves.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I am my own religion.

One of my instructors is a preacher, so naturally, our class discussion veered off toward a more religious subject.... Growing up in a diverse household, I learned quickly that Christianity isn't the only religion. I decided to label myself agnostic, though, labels are petty and don't mean much. A label is just a way to fit someone into a certain criteria.

I digress. I believe paranormal activity is real and I believe in demons. Yet, if I believe in these things, I must believe in heaven. Does that mean I do believe in God? Still, if believing in one God is acceptable, couldn't we believe in multiple deities? And if that's completely possible, we could believe anything is the higher power. For the past couple years I have been searching for some sort of tangible evidence of something, anything, to believe in.

I shouldn't feel as if I have to believe in anything. As long as I am a good person, it doesn't matter what I believe. Anything and every thing's completely possible. We don't know how we came to be, nor does it really matter. The bible is just a collection of stories, just like the Quran and tales of Buddha. It tells you about a higher power, yes. But its deeper than that. It's also a manual that shows you how you should be a good person. I don't have to believe in anything. And at this point in my life, I don't care to believe in anything except myself. I am stronger than anybody else because I am in control of what I believe. Not the pope, not the media. Only me.

I am my own religion.